Playgroup. Sounds a fun place, doesn’t it? A group specifically for play. A no-mum zone where messy play is not only permitted, but actively encouraged. I was keen to get Christopher into a playgroup once he turned 2 so I got some recommendations for local ones and signed him up to one that friends had recommended and we liked the look of. Introductory day went well, Christopher loved all the toys and I got a good vibe from the place. The next few weeks didn’t go so well, Christopher howled when I attempted to leave and clung on so tightly that my heart broke for him. I knew it was for his own good but I was struggling so I asked Abe to go with him on one of his days off. It was a disaster. I’ll cut a long story short, the weeks went on and I felt frustrated/heart broken/mum guilt/ anxiety-passer-on’er guilt and totally short-changed. What was meant to be my morning of post-nightshift peace had turned into me becoming an all too permanent feature in the playgroup. I spent too much time pacing the floors of the corridor, praying for him to stop crying and settle, and not enough time drinking coffee on my sofa and having a wee snooze.
Last week my mum emailed me with a link to an article about anxiety in children. There was a bit about separation anxiety which had some practical tips and I was willing to try anything so I took notes. One suggestion was to have a photo of you and your child, half it and take the one of your child while giving him/her the half with you on it. I liked the idea but wasn’t sure if that might be too complex for a two year old so opted instead for a couple of pictures; one with the three of us along with one from last weekend of us and my brother and his family too. I figured that if Christopher had a few familiar faces in a picture that might encourage him even more than just me and Abe. I thought with it being a recent picture and with people he knows it might at least give him something to chat about. I popped them into his “dino bag” (an animal decorated Body Shop bag that contained delicious smelling shower gels etc when I was given it for one of my birthdays in my teens. Teen me would love to know that it is being so well used and loved all these years later!) alongside his 8 toy dinosaurs. 8 is a ridiculous number of toys to be demanding to take everywhere but my little diva insists and since my patience runs out around question number 42: “where is rex?” I’ve given up on limiting them.
It worked
He cried for a wee while but I left and sat in my car (with a few tears of my own) The manager sent me a text saying he had settled down and was telling them all about his pictures. I was totally surprised that he had settled. A lovely friend of mine had arranged to meet me to go for a wee walk (/pace the playgroup corridors with me. I’m very thankful for mama solidarity!) so I sent her a text to change the plan. I picked her up and we went for a coffee (nearby obviously. I was relieved but still on edge!) Her wee ones are in school so it was a child-free date and we relished every (hot) sip. The playgroup manager sent me a picture of Christopher painting his dinosaurs in glitter paint (which is exactly what playgroup is all about for me. Releasing me from any guilt over refusing to allow glitter in our house because he gets to glitter to his wee hearts’ content there) and having a lovely time.
This is such a dull post, especially to anyone who doesn’t have a toddler. I can’t apologise though because the playgroup drama has taken over my life for the past couple of months and now we are finally making progress! I’ve been praying and googling and talking poor Abe and my mum’s ears off about it. Such a simple idea has totally turned it around, I wanted to share it just incase it helps someone else too.
I’m hoping he continues, I could definitely get used to drinking hot coffees and I’m not giving up the idea of some sofa snoozing. Glittery dinos, a smiling toddler and some hot coffee make for a very happy mama indeed.
myafrocelticclan 